The Difficulty of Making Friends as an Adult
Growing up there have always been situations where friends are easily made. When we are young, we are constantly around people our age and told to socialize, make friends, and play. Elementary school to high school, summer camps, sports, and family friends – there were always kids to talk to, bond with, and create friendships with. But those friendships do not always last and in early adulthood, we are often left feeling lonely and isolated.
Between big life transitions like going to university or college, starting new jobs, or travelling, it becomes really hard to stay connected with our childhood friends. It’s totally normal for people to grow apart and for friendships not to last forever like we once promised our elementary school BFF.
So, what should you do if you are now in your 20s or 30s and feel like you have no friends? Below are some tips on making new friends and coping with the feeling of loneliness.
Acknowledge that it is normal to feel this way.
It can be so isolating feeling like you are the only person who does not have a group of friends to do things with. Social media can amplify this feeling when you compare yourself to other people’s experiences. Feeling lonely as a young adult is extremely common and there are probably a lot of people you know who would love to make a new friend as well. Remember this when you feel nervous about texting an acquaintance or new work colleague to go get dinner with you. Monitor your mental health and take care of yourself when you are feeling down. Take time away from social media as necessary and spend time doing the things you enjoy most.
Join a club or group that you are interested in
Remember the joy of playing a team sport when you were younger or being in a club that does something you love? There are groups in the community just like this for adults where you can meet some likeminded people. Recreational sports, drop in clubs for art, pottery, or cooking, running / biking groups, and even trivia nights exist in most communities and are great ways to be social and possibly meet some great people. Joining a new club or group can be super scary so acknowledge that and be easy on yourself if you feel nervous.
Reach out to new people you meet or people you may have fallen out of contact with
I know I know, this one sounds scary too! It is, but you can do it. If you meet someone new at work, school, (or maybe at the club you joined under tip 2), asking someone to get together outside of the setting where you met is a really important step in making and maintaining friendships. As I mentioned before, they may be feeling the same way you are and are also nervous about starting a new friendship. A simple suggestion to get lunch, go for a walk, or get coffee or dinner are great ways to progress the relationship from acquaintance to friend. To make this step feel a bit easier, get to know the person in the setting you met (whether it be work, school, club, etc.). Find out if you have common interests – TV shows, movies, music, and hobbies are great topics to find common ground. If you know you have some common interests, it helps maintain conversation topics if you get nervous.
This tip also works if there are people who you used to be friends with and may have simply fallen out of touch due to distance, lack of regular contact (like through school or work), or moving to different stages of life.
If you have someone who you miss and would like to reconnect with, social media is a great platform to reach out to them. They probably miss you too!
As a young adult, no one prepares you for the potential loneliness of not having regular opportunities to see and make friends. Remember, you are not alone in feeling like this and there are a lot of great ways to make new friends and feel connected.
