Empowering Your Child to Overcome School Anxiety: Practical Tips for Parents
In June, your child left the doors of school with a sense of joy and excitement for the summer and all anxieties about school were left in the classroom. As a parent, this meant that the morning arguments and struggles of balancing getting your child to school while also comforting them in their worry was behind you, at least for a couple of months.
August brings bittersweet feelings as you start seeing the weeks of summer dwindle and the questioning about what September brings is upon you. You may question how you are going to get your child to school in September, when they have now seen the bliss that comes with avoiding areas of life that cause anxiety.
I often use the analogy that anxiety is like a weed that grows in your garden, it’s annoying and prickly and so you leave it there for tomorrow because really what is one more day? As the spring progresses to summer the weed in the garden gets bigger and bigger with roots now deep beneath the surface. The day that you decide to pull out the weed it is much harder to remove. Anxiety is similar. The more that we avoid the causes of anxiety and leave pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone to another day the larger our anxiety grows. For children and youth with school anxiety, the summer allows great opportunity for anxiety to feel overwhelming.
You may be wondering how to support your child to pull out that weed of anxiety in the summer when there is no school to go to in the first place? Here are some ideas to prepare your child for September and the worries and anxieties that come with entering those school doors.
Practice Calming Skills Daily: Start incorporating calming activities into your daily routine, even when there isn't immediate anxiety. This could include breathing exercises, visualization techniques, or engaging in relaxing hobbies like coloring.
Integrate School into Fun Activities: Make school-related activities enjoyable. Drive by the school and talk positively about it, play on the school yard, or simulate the school routine by walking or biking to the school together.
Gradually Prepare for School: Begin practicing school routines a few weeks before school starts. This includes preparing lunches, packing the backpack, and gradually adjusting sleep schedules to school times.
Encourage Open Conversations: Create a safe space for your child to express their worries and concerns about school. Listen actively and empathetically, helping them come up with strategies to cope with their anxieties.
Communicate with School: If possible, reach out to the school a week before classes start to learn about the teacher and any support available. This can help alleviate uncertainties for both you and your child.
Discuss Expectations and Support: Have a clear conversation with your child about what to expect in the upcoming school year. Discuss the support available to them and reassure them that you believe in their ability to handle challenges.
Be a Support for Your Child by Offering Acceptance and Confidence: Eli R. Lebowitz suggests that the key to creating support for a child with anxiety is acceptance and confidence. But how does one begin when thinking of ways to both be accepting and confident for your child? Let’s break this down a little.
When your child comes to you expressing anxiety about going to school or any related concerns, how you respond can impact their emotional well-being and their ability to manage their anxiety. Here’s how you can integrate acceptance, confidence, and practical support into your response:
Acceptance:
Acceptance involves approaching your child's anxiety with non-judgment and empathy. It's crucial to:
Avoid Comparison Traps: Resist comparing your child to others or their past behavior. Each child experiences anxiety differently, and comparing can invalidate their feelings.
Curiosity and Kindness: Instead of dismissing or minimizing their anxiety, approach it with genuine curiosity about their feelings and show kindness in your responses.
Validate Emotions: Acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Let them know it's okay to feel anxious and that you're there to support them through it.
Confidence:
Confidence as a parent means demonstrating your belief in your child's ability to handle challenges:
Set Reasonable Expectations: Discuss what's expected but ensure the expectations are manageable and realistic for their current situation.
Discuss Supports: Talk about the strategies and supports available to help them cope with anxiety. This might include deep breathing exercises, visualization techniques, or seeking support from teachers or counselors at school.
Remind Them They Can Cope: Reassure your child that anxious feelings are temporary and manageable. Emphasize that discomfort doesn’t last forever and that they have the strength to navigate through these feelings.
Practical Support:
When your child expresses anxiety about going to school, consider these practical steps:
Active Listening: Listen attentively to understand what specifically is causing their anxiety. Sometimes simply talking about their fears can provide relief.
Problem Solving Together: Collaborate on solutions. Ask questions like, "What can we do to make this easier for you?" Brainstorm ideas together to address their concerns.
Provide Reassurance: Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing their feelings. Use supportive statements like, "I'm here for you," or "We'll work through this together."
Example Responses:
Acceptance-Oriented: "I can see that you're feeling really anxious about going to school. It's okay to feel that way. Let's talk about what's bothering you."
Confidence-Building: "I know it's tough right now, and I believe you have the strength to handle this. We can practice some calming techniques together."
Practical Support: "Is there something specific at school that's worrying you? Let's figure out a plan to make it easier for you to go."
By integrating acceptance, confidence, and practical support into your responses, you create a supportive environment where your child feels understood, capable, and empowered to manage their anxiety effectively. This approach not only helps them navigate the current challenges but also builds resilience for future situations.
For more information about parenting a child and youth with anxiety I recommend the following opportunities for reading:
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD- Eli R. Lebowitz
If you would like further support in parenting or wish to set up counselling for your child, please visit www.innerworkslondon.com.
