What is emotion regulation?
Emotion regulation refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage out emotions – it’s a process that happens both internally and externally. Difficulties with emotion regulation (sometimes called emotion dysregulation) might show up as overly intense emotions or mood swings, emotional detachment or avoidance, or impulsive behaviours.
Emotions are a natural part of living – avoiding them or feeling overwhelmed by them can make it difficult to respond in ways that are helpful, often leading to greater distress. Sometimes, we need time or support to manage emotions, and that’s okay!
Why’s it so hard sometimes?
Regulating emotions is a skill that takes time and practice to develop. Think about a child having a temper tantrum – emotion regulation gradually strengthens across the lifespan, but it can still be challenging for anyone at times.
Our ability to regulate emotions is influenced by many day-to-day factors like how much sleep we’ve had, whether we’ve eaten, or how stimulating our environment feels. Taking care of our physical needs supports emotional and mental well-being. Self-care for the body truly supports self-care for the mind.
Where do I start?
A helpful first step is building self-awareness – noticing what kinds of things make you tick, shut down, or feel emotionally overloaded. These are often called triggers. Try identifying your triggers and the typical emotion and behaviour responses that follow. Our reactions are often shaped by our past experiences, values, and beliefs. For example, you might feel anxious when someone raises their voice: the trigger is yelling, and the response is fear or anxiety that makes you run away.
When triggered, our brains send signals that we’re under threat, leading to instinctive responses like fight, flight, freeze, or appease. These reactions are protective and adaptive when we face real danger, but sometimes out emotional or behavioural response is stronger than the situation requires.
Becoming attuned to our bodies and emotions takes patience and consistent practice.
Once we’re more aware of out triggers and responses, we can begin to choose different ways of responding instead of reacting automatically. The goal isn’t to get rid of the emotions, but to validate them and bring their intensity to a more manageable level.
Grounding strategies help calm the body’s nervous system. You can try some of these:
Taking slow, deep breaths
Following a guided meditation
Focusing on sensory experiences (what you can see, hear, feel, smell, or taste).
When the intensity settles, you can begin to apply cognitive and behavioural strategies to take action. Ask yourself:
Does the intensity of my feelings match the situation?
What are some balanced ways I could respond now?
Skills take time!
Building skills over time
Working with a therapist can be a great way to learn specific strategies for self-awareness, build your emotional “toolbox,” and strengthen emotion regulation skills.
Remember: life will always have ups and downs, but we always have a choice in how we choose to respond.
Be gentle with yourself, remembering that we’re all simply humans doing our best to navigate this funny world, one step at a time.
