Turning the Page on 2021
As 2022 has begun, I’m noticing even more this weird sense of being caught in a time-warp. I see photo memories pop up and I have to try hard to remember that event and how long ago it was. I try to wrap my head around how my children seem to have just skipped over 2 years and are somehow older and more capable than I think they should be. Despite all the hardness of the last 2 years, they continue to grow up. They were “little kids” when Covid started. Now they’ve fast-forwarded into the middle years.
I saw an article recently about how our sense of time has been altered since our lives became about lockdowns and social distancing. I feel it deep in my bones. Without the same usual milestones and memory-making trips and family gatherings, our brains seem to have a hard time sensing the passage of time.
With time slipping by in this way, this other strange phenomenon is co-occurring: The hard things are feeling harder now.
When we add up the losses, hurts, and painful moments from the last 2 years, and compact them into what feels like no time at all, it can get completely overwhelming.
A family member dies. A relationship ends. A new diagnosis is given. Was it yesterday or 18 months ago? It perhaps feels like all these hard things have happened in a very short period of time. The opportunity for healing in between *all the things* just hasn’t been available.
I see more and more people showing up in my office feeling more and more tired, burnt out, sad, and alone. These feelings have become an ever-increasing part of our existence. And we’re finally talking about it.
It’s not that life wasn’t hard before. Life was HARD. I remember years ago seeing social media posts about being glad to see the end of 2008 or 2016, as if those were the hardest years we’d ever have to face in our lives. But we looked forward with anticipation to the future and seeing things move in a more positive direction. We brushed the hardness aside and moved on with our lives.
Maybe now we’re just more willing to admit that life is harder than we thought it was.
We’re no longer willing to sugar-coat a cancer diagnosis, or smother someone’s grief with “at least” or “maybe it’s for the best”. I see less ability for folks to push through difficult times and more need for rest. And feeling guilty for it.
So here’s my wish for you in 2022:
What would it be like to practice allowing yourself to admit that life is just hard rather than wondering what’s wrong with you that you aren’t coping better? What if you could give yourself the compassion and grace to take things slow, stop over-functioning, and be less than perfect?
How would that change things for you?