Parenting: Surviving and thriving

P2 - Integrating the Brain

Using both parts of the brain together can help create a state of learning within you child. The left brain likes things organized and logical, the right brain experiences emotions and reads non-verbal cues in the environment.

During this step, we work to connect and redirect. This means were looking to connect emotionally with our children. Recognize the emotions they are experiencing, name them, and help to regulate your child (maybe bubble blowing breaths or blowing out a candle?). Then once your child is in a state where they are more in control we can target the left brain’s logicalness with lessons and discipline. If your child seems like they are really heightened with emotions, trying to help your child tell the story about what happened can help to make their left brain make sense of what’s happened.

Trying the Name It to Tame It can also be useful in integrating the whole brain. In this strategy we, as the parent, are the coach. We encourage our child to tell as much of the story as they can and we help fill in any details that might be important, including situations and fears that are still happening because of the incident. This can help to reduce the fear associated with the story.

Setting the scene for these talks is SUPER important and helpful in encouraging the talks to be more useful. Start by making sure you are both in a safe place and a good frame of mind. It is really helpful to be having these tough conversations when your both doing something else, like building, colouring, going for a walk, etc. Children tend to engage and share more when their doing simple busy tasks then when we set them down and try to talk to them exclusively. If our child doesn’t feel like talking, we can try to encourage them to draw a picture, or write it down if they can. Sometimes they may just want to talk to someone that isn’t us, like a sibling, a friend, or a grandparent.